No One Will Know After All

So often i find myself alone, wanting to be alone, but wanting to be with others. Sometimes my contradicting mind hurts my heart so much i want to cry, but i can't. Even when tragedy strikes the water doesn't spill from the glass. Sometimes i feel heartless. How often do people really cry? I never knew. It always seems there is a reason to shed a tear, and somehow I'm caught up in it. Is it possible to become immune to emotional pain? I contradict so much that i exist but then again, i don't. It's painful to have a non-existent existence. If only everyone else could see that my eyes are always full of sadness, and my heart is full of dead flowers. Then they'd know what all my words have ever truly meant. Even if they did, i guess it wouldn't matter. Especially since i hardly speak. I know what uncertainties the future holds. Sadly no one listens and even i will end up paying for it too in the end. If only when I'm being used I would be used properly. Sorry if you feel you wasted your time reading this. That's all.

It's been age since i remembered how i felt when i came up with this symbol. Utter heart break. I hate it when the one you have feelings for has a girl friend and no offense to the party in question but WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO LOYAL!!!!!!!! Seriously, i think I'm really in love, i don't care if it's puppy love, it's still love. Sigh-!... what can i say, i'm pathetic.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! I'm laghing my ass off!

F.Y.I. i can be a huge perv. at times and i can write some pretty detailed sex scenes in stories and then after one of my friends read it she "attempted" to write one herself and this is how it turned out.

      "Drew-(kisses her neck moving his hands skillfully down her shirt unbuttoning it.)

Mystery-I'm not sure we should be doing this(thinks 'please let him understand')

Drew-(pulls away) Don't worry i'll be gentle(keeps kissing her)

Mystery-(Goes limb) Ok(lifts her cammy and takes it off.)

Drew- for a thirteen year old you sure are hot(bites into her neck)

Mystery- So are we gona do it here.(lets him pull off her skirt.)

Drew- Yeah(unhooks her bra)

Mystery-(closes her eyes) be gentle(feels him thrust into her roughly) Oww!

Drew-(ignores her)

Mystery-(in overwhelming pain think 'make this end please)

Drew- ignores her.

Mystery-(still crying passes out0

Drew- 9gets off her and leaves)"

                O.M.G.! Not only do the details suck balls! But it went from sex scene to rape scene half way through, am i right? Just to clarify, no way in hell i wrote that piece. My friend wrote that and she knows she did a horrible job on it that's why she's letting bad mouth it on the internet. In another one of her sex scene attempts the moment the guy stuck his dick up the girl's pussy he came. She made the guy pre-ejaculate! O.M.G. Well that's about it for now,ha ha ha(still cracking up). Until next time.

Hello Neko

You are the 2nd person to start following my blog, thank you. If you want to email me my email is singingfox2@gmail.com  . i look forward to hear what you think about my posts.

Pretty!

Isn't The dress in this picture just the cutest thing ever?! Plus it really lifts my spirits looking at since recently my life feels so traumatic lately. High school and more is all. Anyway, i just really think that it's pretty. So pretty that I WANT ONE!!!!!! Happy Holidays everyone!

Woo-Hoo

Tsukiko is now on Facebook. here's the link to me Wall.Thank you. Plus i'm kind of new to facebook so i might not know how to work certain things out. anyway...*:3 and i just figured out you need to be signed into facebook to view it.

Idea

I came up with this little jingle about Reese's cups. It would be great advertisement but annoying if you hear it for the 20th time. *:3  here is the link and enjoy.

Love, Why do I Feel It When I Hate it So?

I have a problem. I'm in love with some one. But she just sees me as a friend. And if I tell her she is bound to turn me down. What should I do? And what makes it worse is she is my closest friend. And I'm bi while she's straight. I love her so much. When ever we're apart my head is filled with thoughts of her. I can never stop thinking about her. I can't tell my family(very closed minded), I can't tell my friends. And me and her are always talking about this anime called The tyrant who fall in love. And I actually feel like Morinaga. she is my Senpai and I feel like Morinaga because I'm in love with my senpai and she will most likely not love me back. I just plan on following my feelings. I really just tell some one about her before I do. Skinandesu senpai.Follow this link to read the Tyrant Who Fall In Love.

Hear My Voice

Hear My Voice is the title of a song I came up with. And this link will take you to me singing it. That is all.

My Thoughts

Here's the link If it isn't working please inform me. My email is
singingfox2@gmail.com
that is all

My Voice

To see the video follow this link. enjoy.

E-Mail - singingfox2@gmail.com

Silver Stars and Black Scars

On Friday September 2nd I wrote down on a piece of paper what is written below. For after the paper was finished it was imedietly hidden from family and friends. For I wanted not for them to know the fear I was feeling when I remembered these dreams. And realized my destiny, my future. People have always told me to reach for the stars. Little did I know that it was exactly what I had to do. I had to reach for the stars, go beyond the farthest light, and meet the universe once more...

   "Kowai yo

I just remembered that when I was little I used to have these dreams where there was nothing. There wasn't a single flaw in the black screen which covered my eyes. And when I reached my hand out it was like there was something so smooth and silky but it also felt like there was nothing there at all.

   I now believe I saw the universe in those dreams, and it proves that the entire existence of everything has revolved around contradictions.

   Those dreams

I feared them

But

I never wanted them to end."

Do not mock me for my life is every story, and like Soul Eater the place we call hell is inside the human mind. Kowai yo, tasukete.

Random Art 二

Here is some more random garbage, and 二 means 2.

• This world full of love, full of hate, it just aint great. Its a contradictory how much i love you, and you hate me.
• I love you so bad my heart starts pounding and I feel real sad. Because I'm just so glad to be near you and have a chance like this.
• Batteries dying, Honey you been lying. You said you loved me before, now I aint too sure.
• The stars are time, and time is beauty even though it is a curse.
• You said you hated me all those many years ago, and now you come back and say you always loved me before. I'm so confused I rejected you, but then I see the light in your eyes. I see where the truth resides. I take your hand and you take mine. We smile together, never again to cry. For this feeling is no lie.
• I have my own dreams, but I can never scream. My nerves are shaking, my heart is racing. I'm insecure in this world, my life's at a hard turn. My love is not near. I feel insecure, I feel like being loved. But I'm in a way, where the only way for me to feel love is to know I'm respected. And gaining respect in my home is just bellow maybe never and just above impossible.

That's all for now. If you liked it, good. If you didn't maybe you leave a hate comment.

Random Art

This is just some of the random garbage I come up with in my spare time. Hope you like it, and I don't mind if you hate it.

• Keep me close to your heart, so that you may influence a better part of me. You may be the one to bring out this stone cold heart, and melt the ice which has crystallized around it. And wrap your chains of healing around it. Steel away this broken heart to help me rebuild - no - create it.
• Everywhere I look I see your face. It was hard to resist, but you took my heart  and crushed it like a little birds egg. Because it was mine, because I had the world in my hands.But then you stole my heart. You made me drop my world, and you tour my life apart. You are so cruel. To change one's ways, only to send them down the wrong path. I loved you or so I thought. It's quite the contradiction, I was in love with you but full of hate for you. But I would Always try to get along, but I kept getting stomped on. When it comes to you I realy wish I knew, when I'd start giving up on you.
• Tears. The river of hate. The fountain of love. Coming out through my eyes. But spilling from my heart.
• Let the snow fall; the clouds need to breath;  I started falling; But you still folowed me; We are the rule breakers; But we are the world makers; Always have and always will be still; different from the rest of the world.
• What choice do I have; What voice do I have; What noise can I make; What road can I take; Everything around me is controlled; By everybody but me.
• My secret life; It streches across the world; You can run; You can hide; But you'll always find me; For my heart is everywhere you look; Hearts dying; Daggers flying; Everyone has a place to go; And I am yours.
• Choose...; Live a short life; Or!; Die a never ending death; Meaning!;  Live in the now even though it doesn't last; Or!; Live in the day of tomorrow by fearing mistakes and misfortune that never arise; Live in the moment, because there's always a new one. 

This is just random stuff I sometimes come up with. People come up with stuff like this too, they just don't write it down. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn't... What am I supposed to care? It's not like this garbage is going to impact my life.

Contradictory Theory

I hate life. why is that the only way to live. Right now I'm thinking that if it is all going to end why do we try so hard, why do we care about our clothes and hair. It's all going to mean nothing in the end. We put so much effort into our lives and we try so hard for it all to be taken away. Death can take only seconds, while it takes us years to perfect the life which is stolen from us. I want to be somebody who can surpass their parents and tell them they had nothing to do with me being the success in this family( I should probably tell you this now, my parents are the only people I hate that I will never forgive.) when it will mean very little in the end because what is the point if no one remembers your greatness. The whole point of life is to learn and to live. But, it's because of life that we have to die. A fear that plagues everyone, no one is safe from this disease. I hate how life itself is a contradiction. You want so much, but in the end you realize you had so little. Even when you gave it your all.

More Like People Whisperer

This is Cessar Millan Walking his pack.

Recently I watched this show called Dog Whisperer. In watching this show I realized that people and dogs can be so similar even though we are so different. I hate how life seems like it has to be one big contradiction. I saw myself in so many of the dogs on that show, and I found a little more peace of mind than I already had. You see everyone has peace of mind they just don't realize it is or they keep quiet about it. I don't get out all that often, and when school  time comes around I take advantage of it to lose some of the pent up energy that I have. That is also how I mess up when I try to make friends, for it is because of this energy that I come on to strong. Often dogs seem to misbehave because they don't get enough exercise, I also do some crazy things because I easily get shaken up and have no other source of release. You see, people sometimes treat dogs like a piece of garbage that they can just throw away. But what they don't realize is how much a dog is like a human, but it is still wrong to treat a dog like a human, because they are animals after all. So Dog Whisperer is a good show to watch, and we can always learn something from anything.

The American Dream

What is the American dream I wonder. Whatever, no matter what it was i believe the Age of the American dream is over. Why this topic you wonder. Well I saw an advertisement asking me "Is the American dream dead?" and that got me thinking. How long ago was it when all we ever needed to lift ourselves up out of the dirt of society was to think these three words, "the American dream" it wasn't yesterday I can tell you that much. Our world is in a state of insecurity, and to quote dog whisperer "it is never a good state to show affection in" And to translate that to make me point. The age of the American dream is indeed over, but it isn't dead. we are now in a state of insecurity of which we have yet to choose, choose the fate of our children, and their children, even our very lives. As a freshman this sort of speech pops up all the time. The point is, in this day and age we have to be careful about our moves or else we could end up in a bad place. Although some will not agree with me and say the American dream is still an active thing. whoever they are the are hung up in the past, I mean I'm all for the classics and the basics but unlike yesterday and the day before that continuing on for years we have to make our move. in this unstable state we are going to have to take matters in our own hands because not only is Americas state at risk but whatever happens will also affect the world. have we ever thought about how our desitions affect so many more people in this world? Even those who have nothing to do with America. My point is simple our motives now will affect the future of the world.

Me? In Reality!

I want to tell everyone or at least someone about how i fell about things, that is the point of this blog. But I am not sure if it is possible to tell you everything, oh well. After all I have a lifetime to tell you the truth. So let me start here for now. Me in reality.

I have this thing called a perky mode. It is when I basically go PINK!!! Or that's what I call it. And when I'm in perky mode my "Catch Phrase" is, "You can tell me of any problem, and I will come up with a solution that will have everyone smiling in the end!" Does that say PINK!!! or what? And when I'm in perky mode I'm smiling all the time, because in reality it is the only time I get to smile. Anyway, being in perky mode can be kind of fun, you see in perky mode I put out my best effort. It even makes gym class fun. Truth is, it isn't that hard to smile. A smile can do anything, but it can't always do everything. I guess you could call it a win lose situation. If you smiled as much as I did this year your cheeks would hert at the end of the day. Tee-hee. (P.S.- I should probably say this, I'm in perky mode right now. Sometimes it just turns on on it's own.) Okay, that is all.

Time To Explain

I said I would explain later, well its later now. The reason why I can't say I love anything is because of this. There is only one thing in this entire world that I fear. That thing is my own heart, hearing it beating again and again drives me crazy. And since love resonates from the heart( or that is what I hear ) than it is true that it is impossible for me to experience. And I haven't so far so I don't think it will ever happen. Oh and the reason why I said I'll have to live with myself is because... I meant it like this. No one ever will truly understand what I'm feeling because no matter what I will always be alone. I say that because everybody only has one true home, that home is their body. And since there is only one soul per person that means no matter what we are always alone. I think friends are just substitutes for having actual... Oh never mind it's too hard to explain. Oh well, that is all for now. Bye- Bye.

V6 = Cuties

I found a band that has really great music, and is from my "Country Crush". They are called V6 , and they are a boy band that I think look really cute. They have songs like Rainbow, Change The World , Brand New World, and more. My favorite song out of all the ones they sing its Change The World, because it was the first of their songs I came across and It led me to them and I fell in love with their music. Well I actually didn't fall in love, for me that's impossible. I will never know love, because... The reason will be revealed later. They are really great, on a list from 1to 10, I give them a 20! There is no better band in the world with better music than them. And their dancing and looks aren't too shabby either.( Meaning- Perfect and NO More than Perfect) I really wish I could meet them and sing one of their songs with them. But its a boy band and I'm a girl, none the less I'm from different country, I have absolutely no shot at anything when you get right down to it. Oh well, I guess I have no choice but to live with myself, because... also to be explained later. That is all.